I miss being in love
I recently started getting into Top Gun and after re-watching it after so many years, I was interested in watching the new Maverick movie, which isn't out yet. But what I realized is that the love interest had changed so I started to think about how a couple so passionate about each other couldn't make it. The reasons are all up for speculation since there's over 30 years between the 2 movies, but what it comes down to is that they were more involved in their careers than anything else, at least story wise, in reality there's other reasons. The point of this post is that after re-watching the movie, I lost a whole night's sleep because it really hit me. The truth of the matter is that I really do being in a relationship and having someone that loves me back. Sure, I alluded to someone special in my life, my soul mate if you would, but sometimes a soul mate doesn't come into your life for romantic reasons, even though you might have very strong feelings about them. And part of the reason why this movie hit me so much is the same reason I gravitate more towards 80's movies, despite having been born at the tail end of the decade. See, I was always the kid that all they wanted was to be in a relationship, in fact, when I was 8 years old, I remember practicing how to pick up my dates using my pedal care in the driveway. Sounds lame, but that's pretty much the story of the 80's. So, here's the story if I hadn't mentioned it before. My last significant relationship was back in 2008 and I don't really believe they loved me back. I won't go into any details, but at the end, she left me on Valentines Day. This really hit me and it took me a long time to get back to at least a functional state, but what this ended up doing was changing me significantly. See, I was always that innocent, naive, happy, creative kid, but once the breakup happened, all of that was taken away from me. I became the complete opposite, angry or update, skeptical about everything, lack of trust, and never truly happy. So you had your heart broken, big woop. Cry me a river. Well, yes, that was my mentality for the longest time, but deep down inside I really do want to have someone and have a family. Especially with COVD and being out on my own, it sucks. After working my ass off all week, I just wished I had someone to cuddle with on the couch watching these lame romantic movies with. Okay, so go out and find someone! Something else I didn't mention is that during the breakup, my closest friends moved away to college, so I never really built up a connection with someone new and became more of a hermit. Tried online dating, but it's really just a waste of time and even ended up getting cat fished. What's the solution? Well, when I couldn't fall asleep that night, I ended up reading through some of the reddit forums and came across a story where a couple met each other near the bar restrooms. The point of the story is that "falling" in love is not something in our control, be it God or be it faith, something else controls when all the pieces come together to make a Sixteen Candles moment. The real question is what can be done in the meantime. For starters, go out of the house more, not for the specific purpose of meeting someone, but instead to do something and let nature happen. "If it's meant to be, it will be", sounds stupid and cliche, but it's starting to make sense. It's just like in Aladdan, where Genie flat out says that he can't grant someone to fall in love with you, it breaks free will and why the heck would you want to be with someone that doesn't truly love you back. It MUST happen naturally, real love isn't a movie, but a journey. The next issue is that I'm always busy, especially after recently becoming Scrum Master for my team, after a year I'm there. Anyway, so here's a thought, if you're too busy to go out and hopefully nature causes you to bump into someone, how the heck do you expect to keep a relationship growing? That's right, a relationship isn't just romantic memories, but requires work and time. One thought is trying to take care of a dog, if you can't make time for a pet, you won't ever be able to make time for something that you truly do want to keep. Love sucks, doesn't it. When you got it, it drives you crazy, but in a good way. When you lose it, it brings you to your lowest point, after all, you opened yourself up and let someone in. But guess what, it's the human condition to want someone, it's natural, I just wished it didn't hurt so much. Being solo can be cool and sometimes is a good thing, but after so many years, I've reached my limit. I'll close with this thought. As someone who struggled with self-harm (and still struggle with thoughts), my suggestion is hang in there, keep the good faith, and never let someone bring you down to that point. If they do, they're not worth it, so fuck them. Try to listen to music that gives you a new experience, avoid romantic movies, and above all, love yourself. Ain't love grand!
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