Why do I feel like crap? Could it be because I did something that maybe I shouldn't have? Well, I felt like crap before that, but bad mistakes tend to make things worse, so that does have something to do with the level of crappiness. Just to clarify, I do believe that I did the right thing without going against my integrity. Could it be because I'm not drinking enough water (health situation)? It could be, but that almost sounds a little minor. I look back at the past summer break and I notice that I didn't really do anything of much productive value. Over the summer I know I affected some people positively, but I don't feel that's really pushing me forward. I tried looking for jobs and yes there are jobs in my field, but it almost seems like nobody wants to hire. And any job leads I did get are in New York and I don't really want to drive to New York everyday. My social anxiety isn't getting much better, obviously. I still have my dreams, my major one is growing a successful business and I have every intension to do so. Could it be that I feel a little lonely? It could be, after all, it has been a while since I've really been with someone. I feel like I'm regurgitating the past and of course that's not really pushing me forward. Don't get me wrong, I do have those moments when I feel like I need someone there for me, but for the most part I feel content with the current relationship situation I am in. I keep having these dreams, visions, in my head, but then I realize that most likely they would never come into a reality. Even if they do, it probably won't last. I had my chance. For two years I felt like I was on the top of the world-beautiful girlfriend, close friends, and more. I feel like I'm regurgitating again, looking back at how great it was, instead of looking even in the present to try to make things better. I don't know. Don't get me wrong though. I know I'm not suicidal, I'm actually scared to even attempt, but I just want more. Maybe I should go out. Maybe I should go back to religion. Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen. I can't change who I am, I don't even want to, but I know I can change my situation to make things better. I just have to step out of my comfort zone. It sounds just too simple, right. I can do it, but then I feel like I can't. Why can't I just trust the public? I guess it's because if I open myself up, I can't retain enough of my guard and then I get hurt some how. I know money doesn't make a person happy, but it does help. Oh Maximus (computer), why can't I make money with you? So let me try to close on a good note...Well, I did learn about the recycle system. What else, what else? Oh, I learned a lot about web design concepts, that's a big thing for me. Thank you for reading!
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